Some things you do not realize you needed them – until someone comes up with it. For it then to be blindingly obvious: you now NEED this very thing – that you were oblivious to just a few days ago.
After all, this is the mechanism that greases the consumer electronics industry’s wheels and our insatiable hunger for all kinds of electronic gadgetry. New ever two? Huh, talk about a euphemism!
But hey, I digress… so what did I come up with today that I think EVERY tree crew should have with them on the job site?
Hold on tight for a biiiiiig idea!
You know that awkward moment when you have just reached the top of a long ascent, totally out of breath, contemplating whether projectile vomiting might be about to occur (sorry, too much information, I realize – but I am merely attempting to paint a picture here). And this is where the awkwardness creeps in: you now ought to let the person on the ground know that the access line is free for them to ascend on.
So how are you going to do this?
Are you going to (wo)man up, take a couple of deep breaths and shout down in a funny clenched voice, whilst trying to sound cool, totally relaxed and not at all out of breath? Or are you going to sound like you have just attempted to run a marathon in wellies?
Well, I have two options I would like to offer you here! Gone are the days of breathless shouting down from the top of the access line, behold…
Simply install it at the top of the access line and give it a good whack once you reach the top (alternately, you can also headbutt it, this move is referred to as doing a Rodenhurst). Not only will this let the climber on the ground know that they can now join you in the tree, but also the soft, chime of the gong has an instantly calming effect on your surroundings.
The other route is an gameshow style buzzer that you mount at the top of the access…
This will broadcast preprogrammed messages down at your co-workers. You can choose whether these are neutral (airport lounge-style) or abusive witticisms à la John Cleese.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the access is now free and at your disposal, if you would like to make your way towards the anchor point. Should you require special assistance during boarding, please do not hesitate to let one of our staff know.
You call that an ascent? That was more like watching paint dry! Stop sniveling and get your hairy ar** in the tree!
So there you go. The choice is yours: treeGONG™ or ARBuzzer™ – either way, the days of breathless bellowing out of trees are definitely numbered.
And remember: You read about it here first!