Why is it that unpleasant things often seem to come in clusters?

It would seem that I am currently going through an eye phase.

A couple of weeks ago we were dismantling a fir tree in pouring rain, I valiantly struggled through the fell with protective glasses on, not seeing much from behind severely fogged-up, dirty lenses. During the tidy up I took them off, as it was quite a long walk in and out of the property and I did not fancy doing it blind. One of the last bundles I loaded onto the vehicle, a branch which was bent backwards released suddenly and tonked me right in the open eye. Pointy bits of the needles first. Yeoww! That was very painful. I ended up looking like an extra from Shaun of the Dead.

I spent the rest of the day with fogged vision on that eye. The irony of the situation? That afternoon we were working in the local eye clinic. Did I go to show them my eye? No, I did not… well, it wasn’t as though it was falling out, or anything like that! The whole eye ball was swollen as a result of these shenanigans and took days to sort itself out (memo to self: next time, go and have it checked out, dummy!).

Last week while we were working in a woodland, I was manipulating a throw line in a tall tree. In order to see better, I removed my glasses – after all, it’s only a throw line, what can go wrong? A small bit of bark that the line dislodged hit me right in the eye, that is what. I was not very happy… in fact, I believe that some of the language I used caused the trees around me to shed some more leaves in shame, accelerating the process of autumn.

Then finally, the day before yesterday in the evening while I was tidying up gear after a day of felling, I had my arms full of rigging gear and was just putting away a pair of spikes, when the spike on the hook in front of the one I was hanging the others onto decided to pop off and fell right in my face. Points first. Aaaargh.

That was definitively too close for comfort.

I think what I am going to do is simply to gaffa tape my safety glasses to my face and leave them there permanently until this phase passes – or else I am going to end up a cyclops.

Oh, and by the way, Murphy, could you please stop tinkering with my odds now? Please? Thank you!