How to be a fantastic tree climber (but don’t tell anybody)

The other day I briefly touched upon how to be a fantastic climber, without really going into details (read about it in the linked post in the paragraph above the unicorn, also, if you continue reading this post you will find out why there is a pic of a unicorn in that post!).

So I have decided to remedy that omission and let you all in on the secret, but do not go spreading it too wide. I will be giving you a sneak preview of the soon to be launched treemagineers’ fantastic tree climber kit™, so hold on tight…

It is not really rocket science, the basic ingredients are:

  • a rainbow assortment of x-formula body paints
  • polychromatic glitter
  • a rubber glove

Above is a page out of the technical manual, but it is really quite easy: First, remove all clothing and apply the special secret x-formula rainbow body paints (1). Then apply liberal amounts of glitter – do not hold back on this (2)! And finally, and very importantly, put the rubber glove on your head – and… hey presto!… you are all set, nothing stands in your way anymore to becoming a really fantastic tree climber™!

Sounds like utter baloney?

May seem so, but partially the amazing effect of this combo is down to a powerful secret component in the body paints, for obvious reasons I cannot divulge too much here, but I can tell you this much: one of the active components is a very rare excretion from a unicorn’s pituitary gland, very rare and rather expensive.

Obviously, there are all the extras you can order on top of this basic kit, such as the zebra-pattern leotard, the hollow-braid, Technora deadlock extensions, the teflon-coated flip flops, the Dyneema sweat bands – but this is all extra, we recommend that you get started with the basic kit and see how it works out for you.

Once you are kitted out with all of this, the only extra you need to be a hero is a GoPro!